Thursday 28 July 2011

toys, toys, toys! ( and a ramble)

A few things this time to talk ( most likely ramble) about.
I recently bought the clitoral halo for my electro sex machine. While I'm still getting the hang of using the thing it is at the moment seeming like a good purchase.
Electro sex kind of feels like the vibrations from a normal vibrator but under the skin. If anyone has used a TENS machine as part of pain relief it feels more or less like that. My e stim has lower intensities though and more variation of speeds and patterns.
the clitoral halo is metal and is relatively easy to use, only problem I've encountered with it is if I get too carried away and let it stray right over the clitoral nerve which is ridiculously painful! At low levels though, with plenty of lube and warming up it gives really strong orgasms. Not exactly the quick fix my other vibes do, but a nice slow teasing form.

Another toy recently added to my collection is the g- ki. while I've still not squirted like I really want to I can get myself to orgasm in about a minute with the toy. Have more or less just used it as a dildo but it is nice to have the option to make it vibrate if i desire. Have found though that vibrations on my G spot ( or the place that feels really fucking awesome) is a little painful, in a non pleasurable way

I've also become obsessed with bondage and BDSM at the moment and whenever i masturbate it's always that my mind wanders to or it's that type of porn i get off to. Rough and hard sex with lots of hair pulling and being called a slut is appealing to me, as well as fanning my curiosity towards rope bondage. I would love to feel the sensations of breast bondage or to be held down and gagged while being fucked or while giving oral to the dominant partner.
Alas it seems like something that I shall have to be patient for, because there is no one on the horizon at the moment.

DP ( or double penetration) is intriguing as well. It's not something I've done with a partner and I tend to have irrational fears about the cleanliness of anal, so experimentation on my own has been limited. It's something I really must explore now that I have access to plenty of nitrile gloves and time in the evening when other house members are in bed. From when I have tried with a butt plug it seemed really fun and pleasurable, so I am almost certain it is something to add to my regular masturbatory repertoire and possibly as the ultimate fantasy if the right men come along. Even anal play will add a new dimension to a sex life that is a solo effort.

Living in a small rural community is great in many ways: less noise and pollution and there's lots of nature. However I do miss being able to go out of the house whenever I wanted and grab a coffee or my favorite magazine without having to wait for a shoddy bus service. Sex wise it's pretty hard to be kink positive in a town with an aging conservative population and people my age I went to school with. Everyone knows everyone else and it's unlikely that anything could remain discreet.

Sunday 17 July 2011

Vanilla

Vanilla is a term used by people in the sex community to describe people who are less adventurous or kinky than them. It can be seen as a slur against character, but the majority of times it's used as a broad description of a subsection of society.

The term has different connotations to different people so it's hard to find a strong definition of it. To me vanilla describes people who are closed minded and think that sex is "dirty" or "wrong" and people who won't try things that seem "kinky" irregardless of how tame they are. It's more of a stubbornness than a general dislike or fear.

Vanilla is a term more or less born out of humanities desire to distinguish themselves from the crowd and to draw differences and feel superior where there probably isn't any need to do so. There's a need in most societies to think that you are different and special, this is hard to do with sex because of the privacy of it. People are unwilling to talk openly about sex and sexuality so we make assumptions about the public to make ourselves feel more individual.

It's only through using toys and being part of the sex toy testing at various communities that I've learned to be less assumptious about the people around me. There's no one type of person who's more willing to try things sexually, and the same applies to those who seem like they will be vanilla.

Sometimes relationships fail because of miss matched sex drives and desires. Sometimes one partner can be more experienced and this can cause issues. There's no right or wrong way to encourage a partner who is "vanilla" to try different things but there's some tips that might help.
  • Communication is key, talk about what turns you on and try to think and explain why it turns you on. Granted this is trickier than it sounds but it could be the difference between a partner accepting and trying and them not wanting to try.
  • Don't push it. take small steps. For example if your partner doesn't like sex with the lights on try some soft candles first, or talk to them about why they don't like it. Ask them if there's anything that you can do to help and do not push them past their limits, doing this could make them more reluctant to try again. If a partner has been pushed or coerced by an ex than it is up to you to demonstrate that you are not like that, to make them feel safe and to establish a high level of trust.
  • Getting your partner to relax could help immensely. Do something that they enjoy and that helps them switch off from everyday life. It's hard to feel adventurous or be open to new ideas when you're stressed out or feel rushed.
  • Above all be patient. Habits and beliefs formed over a considerable time can be hard to change and pressure from others will make a person less likely to want to change. There's a fine line between being supportive and being perceived as being pushy and what you feel is supportive could come off as pushy to your. talking in a non judgemental way will help establish what parties are feeling and how to word things in the best way. In the end though if a partner is unable or unwilling to change it may just be that you have to accept them as they are.

Friday 15 July 2011

Sex and House sharing.

I am temporarily sharing a house with family members. Undoubtedly this is different from living on my own, as i've been doing for the last two years.
Firstly there's the issue of less space for yourself. I have a room but when I was on my own it didn't really matter that I put my glass dildos in the fridge or that I charged toys in the living room. Storage is a bit of an issue here because of the smaller space, all my toys are crammed into half of the under bed divan ( it's a single bed too)

Testing would pose a problem if my parents were like other people's. As it stands they know about the testing and they know that I use the paid on results programme. They seem to be cool with it which is awesome lthough can seem strange to other people. I don't give them details or anything and they don't ask much about it.

Noise of toys is another problem. Bullets are easy enough to use and are very quiet. A must have for anyone sharing a house! My fave has to be the multi speed Tracey cox one. Dildoes are obviously silent as they have no batteries or motors. Glass has to be my favorite dildo material, and my two are never far from reach. I would love a stainless steel dildo as well just to compare the two materials.

The other option available to me is the electro sex toys I own, the clitoral halo is a new addition and is very nice for teasing, though i've not yet managed to orgasm through it's use on its own. With them being silent and offering similar sensations to a vibrator it's a nice option.

As or tips for those who ahve to house share: using dildos is a good option, as is waiting till everyone is out or asleep. Cleaning toys as soon as theyre used is always good but a box of sex toy wipes would be a good alternavtive if a trip to the bathroom can't be done without others spotting you. Duvets, soft furnishings and things like music can muffle the sounds of motors and electronics also.

Living with others dosen't necassarily mean that you have to miss out on your sex toy fun. It just means you have to be more creative.

As a side note I should really post more, but i'm struggling with ideas. If anyone wants me to research a topic and post on it then comment and i'll get back to you!